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一则发生在父母和12岁女儿三人之间的小故事

读一篇讨论精神分析中adult sexuality部分的论文读到的一则发生在父母和12岁女儿三人之间的小故事。

作者是一位治疗师也是一位母亲,讲述了她自己家庭中的一个事件或自己称为momentary developmental
trauma瞬时性的发展创伤。这个故事是当她的一个来访者David问她是否在跟他调情时第一时间想到的。

(下面随手的翻译较粗糙,"我"指作者)

12岁大女儿为了娱乐七岁的小女儿而打扮自己。当时我和丈夫在卧室里激烈的讨论某件事情。小女儿先跳着进来了,后面跟着大女儿,她把黑色长发盘在头顶,穿紧身黑上衣还撕裂一边,黑色网袜红色吊袜带漆皮高跟鞋。我当时就震惊了,女儿的爸爸想掩饰但还是下意识的喘气,喘气声被女儿和和吓坏了的我清楚听到。瞬时间,危险和迷惑在这个可感知的三人关系里喷涌,大女儿歇斯底里地哭着跑了出去,留下我们俩坐在受惊后的沉默里。这个景象发生在几秒钟里,没任何准备的情况下,我先开口了,“你必须跟她说点什么。”
丈夫说“那到底说啥呢?” “我不知道,但不能就这样,你们俩要想办法,你们的关系很好的。”
丈夫离开了。我很欣慰这是丈夫要处理的而不是自己,但我倾尽了自己的所有才忍住不去干涉他们,让父女两人去处理。15分钟后我过去看,看到父女俩坐在一起大笑着。
几小时后我才问丈夫这个神奇的转变如何发生的。“我告诉了她我真实的想法,我从没见过她看起来这么漂亮,这种成熟的美,使我不能呼吸,但我非常喜欢,只是需要时间去习惯。”
“她说什么了?” “什么也没说,只是露出了最美的笑容”

Let me share with you such a momentary developmental trauma, one that
occurred in my own family several years ago. I do this, because it was
transformative for me in my understanding of emerging adolescent
sexuality, the role of the parent in facilitating this emergence, and,
by extension, the developmental implications for psychoanalytic process.
But I do this also because it was the first thing to flash through my
mind when David asked me if I had been flirting with him. The event that
I want to describe occured one evening when my older daughter, who was
then about 12 years old, was playing “dress-up” in an attempt to
entertain her then seven-year-old sister. My husband and I were involved
in a rather intense discussion in, as this story would of course
necessitate, our bedroom. My younger daughter twirled through the room
in an age-appropriate lacy pink concoction that required little more
than a happy nod in passing acknowledgment. But behind her came her
sister in an outfit I still can't believe she put together from her
younger sister's dressup box. She had piled her long dark hair on top
of her head and had put on a clingy black jersey, slit up the side. The
outfit was completed with black fishnet stockings, patent-leather high
heels, and a red garter. I was astounded, but her father let slip an
almost imperceptible but still subliminally audible gasp—a gasp heard
loud and clear by his very vulnerable daughter-woman and her then
immobilized but horrified mother. In a series of microseconds,
meaningful looks of danger and confusion ricocheted spitfire around this
now palpable triangle, and my daughter, crying hysterically, ran from
the room. My husband and I sat in rather stunned silence. The scene had
passed before us in a matter of seconds, but its significance was
unmistakable. Unplanned and unformulated, I spoke first. “You have to
speak with her,” I said. “I know, but what in the world am I going to
say?” he replied, “I don't know, but we can't just leave it like
this—you guys will figure it out … your relationship is strong.” My
husband left the room. I was glad it was him and not me, but I have to
admit it took everything in me not to interfere … to leave them alone
together to work this out. I lasted about 15 minutes before poking my
head into the other room where they were sitting together laughing about
something my daughter was relating. It was only several hours later that
I got to ask my husband what he had said to work this magical
transformation. “I told her the truth,” he said, “that I had never seen
her looking so beautiful before … in such a grown-up way … that it
had taken my breath away … that I liked it … but that it was
something I was going to have to get used to.” “Did she say anything?” I
asked. “No,” he said, “but she smiled the most beautiful smile.” And
then he smiled.

We could argue about whether to regard my husband's intervention as a
countertransference disclosure, for surely he was responding to our
daughter's emergent sexuality much as I must have been unconsciously
responding to David's. But, the more interesting question to me is
whether such open acknowledgment of these sexually charged developmental
changes has the effect of being incestuously overwhelming (as more
traditional oedipal formulations would suggest) or postoedipally
liberating (as I suggest here). It is my belief that such open
acknowledgment involves a beginning recognition of the adolescent's
emergent sexual subjectivity and of her parent's capacity to both
recognize it and deal appropriately with his or her own response to it.
To the adolescent, it also involves an experience of what it feels like
to be the object of another's sexual response, particularly when that
response feels appropriately contained and safely managed.

Jody Messler Davies, Ph.D (1998). Psychoanalytic Dialogues, 8:747-766

Between the Disclosure and Foreclosure of Erotic Transference-
Countertransference: Can Psychoanalysis Find a Place for Adult
Sexuality?

发布于2014年4月25日 星期五 06:21:11 感谢(0)0收藏
本内容仅代表作者个人观点,不代表简单心理平台观点

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